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Under Her Crinoline
(a Letter to the Times)

Dear Reader,

Let me relay to you a most interesting account of affairs that happened to be told to me (in the most strictest confidence you understand) a few months ago; when I was down from the country and staying in London to sort out some damn shipping business.

But first, let me set the scene with a few racy paragraphs or so of preamble...

Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips moved stiffly yet sedately across the rich, red, pile carpet of the drawing room. The grandfather clock chimed distantly. It was three thirty, precisely. And on the third stroke, Jenkins, the butler, knocked and entered with a silver tea tray laden with hot, buttered scones, jam and cream, fresh Earl Grey tea and cakes; all assigned to their various silver pots, plates and salvers.

\"Set it down quickly and go away.\" Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips spoke sternly yet not unkindly to the servant, indicating the inlayed mahogany table by the window as she did so. The servant moved like a frightened whippet across to the window and back again and out of the room with a flick of his coat-tails.

Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips moved with a rustling of twenty-two, starched, lace petticoats over to the window. On her way she stopped to admire the fine water-colour by Stubbs. Her father had purchased it for her a few months before his untimely death beneath the wheels of a Benz Velo motor-car. Wretched, infernal machines. Apparently he was said to be the first gentleman ever to be killed by an automobile. Well, that will be the end of them no doubt and doubtless his death will go down in some dusty, leather-bound historical book.

Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips had to take the long way around the divan, to her afternoon tea, because of the enormity of her crinoline. Though the height of fashion, it did cause inconveniences sometimes. Yet on the other hand, it had provided the perfect solution regarding the young Mr. Poppy...

Now, diligent reader, having suffered my humble, rambling prose for the last three or four paragraphs, you will now be steadily rewarded for your patience, as we move ever closer to the essential and somewhat, spicy substance of my correspondence.

Initially, Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips had been engaging the services of the said Mr. Poppy, as one of her many house-servants, for over a year. Yet quite suddenly his employment had been elevated from that of a mere butler's boy to; 'her ladyships personal attendant.' Whence he began to perform services of a most delicate and private nature; of which a job-description presented below, will inform you most intimately of Mr. Poppy's duties.

Mr. Alan Thomas Herbert George Duncan Poppy shall be engaged in the following duties for the Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips. Beginning on the commencement date of Monday the 16th of July 1893.

1. To offer and perform masturbation on her ladyship when and where she may requesteth it and with hands pre-washed and warmed.

2. To offer and perform the acts of cunnilingus on her ladyship when and where so ever she may requireth it and with mouth pre-washed and gargled.

3. To so initiate any other hand, tongue or lip duties to any other erogenous parts of her ladyships person; be it nipples, mouth, anus, etc., at the request and required instruction of her ladyship.

4. These above duties are to be performed swiftly and dutifully and with a reasonable amount of interest and concentration.

5. It is preferable and at her ladyships specific request, that Mr. Poppy will perform the above said duties in clean, pressed clothing of that befitting a servant of his calling and with a smile upon his countenance.

6. Mr. Poppy is to be on call twenty-four hours of every day, except Wednesday afternoons, which he will take to be his half-day of leave. And Sundays, for our Empire's day of rest and worship. He will receive five additional days holiday, of which one month's notice is to be given before the holiday commences.

7. In the event of Mr. Poppy wishing to terminate his employment, he must give three months written notice and will be required to relinquish any holiday untaken.

8. For the above said duties and honouration of this contract, Mr. Poppy shall receive the most handsome yearly income of 4/6d. payable one month in arrears.

Well! My word, dear readers. An interesting little arrangement to say the least! There are a few other, minor details concerning Mr. Poppy's sleeping accommodation and eating arrangements, but I do not wish to trouble you with these incidentals.

This above agreement then, was drawn up and agreed upon in the presence of Mr. Poppy and Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips and her lawyer; Mr. Bang of: Bang, Bang, Sinclair-Bang + Sinclair-Bang-Bang of Mayfair.

But,... that was over a year ago. The work relationship between the two negotiates had proceeded well; very well indeed in fact. So much so that a new contract had been entered into, quite enthusiastically it appears, by both parties.

It was very shortly into the new contract though that various members of the household; family, servants, gardeners, passing tradesmen,... had begun to notice the stiff, heavy, slow movements of the Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips (as I have detailed above in my preamble); combined with the greatly widened girth of her crinoline and above all, the disappearance of Mr. Poppy himself! -Oh with what relish, avid reader, do I unfurl the thickening of this most deliciously, monstrous plot. These above observations in themselves require some clarification though, so I shall regress a little further, if I may be so permitted.

To begin; it was of course the height of fashion to wear extremely wide dresses, over layers of petticoats, extended in a kind of balloon effect by a supportive, circular wire frame;- known as the crinoline, as you well know. Indeed her ladyship was renowned for wearing layer upon layer of petticoats; lace, silk and muslin,... In white, cream and tush, tush, occasionally a red one, (may she blush even now as I so write). Atop this she was wanton in her flamboyance. Her crinoline dresses, made by hand, were of the deepest, richest velvets, silks and crepe de Chine. Embroidered with tongues of gold braid and delicate lacework, dripping with pearls and studded in precious jewels. Her frocks were indeed a blaze of colour and craftspersonship. Designed by Gayan, made up by London's top seamstresses and washed very carefully by hand; though admittedly this was only done once a year of course. Wherever she traversed, along the Piccadilly, down the Pall Mall, on her way to St. James Palace, or luncheon at the Savoy, she swept the streets like a glittering street-cleaner. Leaving a lot of turned heads as well as a nice clean path in her wake.

But... suddenly, strangely, the flamboyance ceased. Abruptly. Her petticoats diminished to a lightweight 22 and the dresses became plainer and plainer; little short of dull in fact. In all, she seemed to be dressing, at long last, for a lightweight summer. Yet the bemused household could not understand why on earth she seemed then to be dragging herself about the townhouse as if she were wearing ten times as many petticoats. The reason of course, earnest readers, if you will bare with me just a moment longer, was the result of the new contract drawn up between her ladyship and Mr. Poppy.

Now this in itself is the strangest thing of all. Firstly, this Mr. Poppy, a somewhat dubious character, if I may be permitted to say so, was elevated from butler's boy, to her ladyship's personal servant, as you now well know; who seemed to do little more than hang around in madam's boudoir and get her all hot and steamed up. Some said he read her exotic and somewhat frowned upon poetry; Milton, Byron, Shelly, Keats, -the poor woman. Then, just as abruptly as he was promoted a second time, he completely and inexplicably disappeared from the establishment. And when enquiries were made unto his lordship, (who, if you will forgive the liberty, usually knows extremely little of what's happening even on his very own dinner plate!) he informed those that wished to know, that Mr. Poppy had been promptly discharged from service. Apparently after some indiscretion with his ladyship; the details of which were undisclosed ... and without references, the poor chap.

Now that, ever patient reader, would have been the end of my learned friend's story, if I had not had the most remarkably lucky coincidence of having to do some further confounded shipping business up in London with Lord Rosetips himself. Or to be more exact, with his lawyers. (Lord Rosetips couldn't keep a horse and buggy in order, let alone a multi-million pound shipping concern.)

And so it was then by sheer, sheer chance and bloody-minded nerve (I must add), that during my aforementioned appointment with his Lordship, -who was called briefly out of the room by a telephone-wire call,- I found, slipped down behind her ladyships miniature, rosewood bureau, the third, pink duplicate of the second contract drawn up between herself and Mr. Poppy.

Well, good lord. My most dear, dear, most puritan and enthralled readers... Dare I publish its contents to you now... Brace yourselves:

A new contract between Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips and Mr. Alan Poppy has on this day the 15th of July 1894 been agreed, drawn up and signed. And will come into effect on the preceding day of the above date.

Note: In the event of the death of Mr. Poppy due to any unforeseen circumstances connected in any way to the nature of Mr. Poppy's employment and the description herein, of which the details are set-out below; Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips and her lawyers and any other parties privy to the nature of the employment will be absolved of all liability. Lawful or otherwise.

1. Mr. Poppy shall be fitted with a special supportive, hanging harness and strapped to the leg and under crinoline frame of Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips.

2. At various pre-determined signals or vocal commands, Mr. Poppy shall perform various sexual duties unto Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips genitalia and surrounding erogenous cavities.

3. Mr. Poppy will uphold at all times the strictest discretion. He shall not speak, cough, sneeze, snort, move, urinate, defecate or in any way cause his presence beneath her ladyships dresses to be revealed. In essence, he will remain a servant under her crinoline and will abide at all times to the contents of this and the previous agreement.

4. Mr. Poppy will continue to provide excellent sexual services throughout the day until her ladyship disrobes for the night. He is then free to go about his daily habits, routines and ablutions until the following morning.

5. Mr. Poppy will again be on call 24hrs. a day, except for the 'whole' of Wednesdays and on the Sundays to take his leisure and worship. Due to the physical nature of this contract it has been seen fit and wise to withdraw any holiday release. Such withdrawal of privileges has been more than accommodated for by the generous, additional half day release.

6. For said employment and services rendered, Mr. Poppy shall receive the extremely handsome sum of 18/4d. per annum. A salary increase of over 400% [A John Lloyds banking account has been opened for Mr. Poppy in order that he may not fritter away his earnings or misuse them in a willful manner.]

7. It shall be noted that this contract shall run for a ten year period or until ill health prevents Mr. Poppy from performing his above said duties. Or unless the contract be terminated by Mr. Poppy, who must give at least six months notice.

8. Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips maintains her right to terminate or amend this contract at a moments notice; or have Mr. Poppy joined by another person or persons if and when so ever and for whatever duties and/or length of time she so pleases.

9. Mr. Poppy has sworn an oath of secrecy as to the nature of this contract and of all its requirements.

10. Both parties are legally bound by this and all preceding agreements.

Well, my most dutiful, wide-eyed readers. I shall give you a moment to recover. To pour yourself a large brandy, reflect in shock and amazement while you poke the fire, light a cigar and lean, a little flushed upon your mantelpiece; before I indulge myself in a little freethinking, a little poetic licence as to how Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips’ and Mr. Poppy's most, unique arrangements may be proceeding from day to day.

Prey then let us re-visit the scene I have set for you of earlier...

And so, it was with a heavy, lop-sided, shuffling gait that Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips made her way, the long way, around the divan. Partly because of the expanse of her crinoline and partly to avoid injury to her client. -If she had attempted to squeeze past the divan it may have put her in breech of contract. And unable to sit, she stood at the window and fussed over the tea things, pouring and buttering.

Taking a sip of Earl Grey tea from its Devonshire, hand-painted cup, she gave one of the required signals. She rang a little golden bell.

Mr. Poppy came too with a little start. He had dozed off beneath her ladyship's crinoline. For a moment he couldn't remember where he was. It was dark, hot and gloomy under his ladyship's petticoats. He perspired, even though he was stripped down to his undergarments; vest, long john's, socks and garters. His arms were stuck with sweat to her ladyship's left leg where he had been holding on. The leather harness around his waist and shoulders was digging into him slightly, his legs had cramped, entwined as they were in the metal frame of the crinoline and he felt hungry. He had a bag of dried nuts and some beef jerkin hooked up beside him but he could not eat them now; the bell had rung, it had started him awake, he was required to initiate his duties forthwith.

Mr. Poppy craned his head back in the gloom and saw the murky outlines of her ladyship's hairy femininity. She wore no undergarments now; it would only have impinged on his duties and may have put her in danger of breach of contract. He gently nuzzled his head up between the warm thighs and got quickly to work. He stretched out his tongue and once again tasted the sour, sweaty warmth of his ladyship's vagina. He licked methodically.

Up above, her ladyship gave a little involuntary jump as Mr. Poppy's tongue came into contact with her privates. She spilt a little tea and cursed him for that, wondering if she could dock a little of his monthly salary. But the flowing feelings that rippled through her body as she felt Mr. Poppy's tongue begin to do its contractual duty, made her quickly forget about any legal action. She opened her legs wider and stood and sipped tea and ate a slice of Madeira cake.

Mr. Poppy was pleased, beneath her ladyship's crinoline, that she had opened her legs. It made his job so much easier. His ears had been hot and deafened by their rubbing against her plump inner thighs and his hair was getting messed up. Now her inner labials opened softly and he was able to get much deeper into her ladyship's vagina. Gently his nostrils nudged her clitoral zone and his teeth nibbled gently at her innermost secret from time to time. Her ladyship's juices were flowing nicely now and thirsty earlier, Alan Poppy permitted himself to, if not drink, but at least moisten his gums with her sexual flow, rolling it around his mouth before swallowing.

Again, above, Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips gave a sudden jump and a little squeal as Mr. Poppy's tongue delved suddenly deeper into her most private of places. Involuntary she spilt more tea, this time onto the drawing room carpet; an exotic rug in reds and golds all the way from Persia, which was not covered on her husband's insurance. But this time she did not care too much and had in fact to hastily set the cup and saucer down on her rosewood bureau, knocking some papers down the back, for fear of dropping it altogether.

Using a nearby Hepplewhite dinning chair to steady herself, she shifted her feet and opened her legs still wider and began bending at the knees.

Below, Mr. Poppy's face was now shining in Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips sexual flux. He cuffed it out from his eyes and went on greedily scoffing at his ladyship's front-bottom. And then through the bottomless little pockets of the crinoline, especially unpicked by one of the servant girls, came her ladyship's delicate, lily-white hands to his aid. They pulled her vulva viciously wide open to reveal the glistening pinkness of her vaginal walls. Thus allowing Mr. Poppy to sink his mouth and nose up to the eyeballs, into her hot fanny, far beyond his job description. -Causing Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips' knees to buckle and give way almost completely.

A thin, orgasmic scream went up from her ladyship then …and after only a short moment she straightened her skirts and petticoats and rose shakily to an upright position. Patting back a wisp of stray hair.

Plunged once more into gloom, Mr. Poppy wiped his face on his vest, as best he could, (he made a mental note to hang a damp flannel inside the crinoline tomorrow) nibbled for a while on the salted nuts and beef jerkin to curb his hunger and then clinging round his ladyship's still trembling thighs, prepared to have a short nap.

A summoned servant girl entered and poured her ladyship another cup of Earl Grey tea, straightened the chair and then returned to her other household duties. Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips looked out of the drawing room window with a contented smile spreading across her eminent face.

Half an hour later the golden bell was rung once again. Yet twice this time and Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips was bending forwards over the chair with her legs braced open as Mr. Poppy came awake with a start. He registered the meaning of the two rings and angled his head around the other way.

After a while, Lady Farquarzar-Rosetips hands came and pulled apart the cheeks of her buttocks. Mr. Poppy lapped his tongue over his ladyships tight, little, puckered anus. As fast as he could waggle it.

Later the summoned servant girl re-entered and lifted her ladyship back up to a standing position, re-righted the chair once again and poured fresh tea.

From Mr. Cyril Townsend

of Manchester.

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