Authors OnLine - Too Many Wasted Years by Susan Shaw

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Too Many Wasted Years

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CHAPTER 1

>/b>For the umpteenth time, Edith peeped around the barn, each time more afraid somebody who knew her would be coming along. Oh! How she wished he would hurry up. What with the smell of hay which was overpowering and the butterflies churning in her stomach both with nerves and excitement, she felt quite sick. It was not safe here. She could easily be spotted but she just had to see him before he went away.
     “Come please,” she whispered. “Get here soon, Edward.”
     But she had already waited too long. Her mother would be suspicious if she was late home and there would be ructions. One last look, that was all she could allow herself and then she must go. Tentatively looking around the corner she could at last see a figure in the distance.
     “Let it be him,” she whispered in agitation.
     She was quick to realise it was not Edward; the stranger’s walk was too slow and stumbling. Pressing against the splintered wood of the old barn she just hoped the figure going past did not notice her. She knew she looked odd, furtive and suspicious lurking here like this and her mother would kill her if she ever found out, but she had to see him.
     The air left her lungs in an explosive gasp as the man stumbled past without glancing left or right. She would have to go home; there was nothing else for it. Edward had let her down. Miserably, she crept out of the shadow of the barn and blinked in the sun. It took her a moment to believe what she could see. For there, barely twenty yards away, she recognised Edward’s familiar, carefree stride. At last, at the eleventh hour, it was him.
     Giving one last sneaky look to make sure there was nobody else around, she ran out of hiding to meet him. As soon as he saw her, he started running; his arms held open to catch her. With a sigh of relief she fell into them and looked at his strained face as she said, “Oh Edward, I thought you weren’t coming. I had to see you before you went. Where have you been?”
     As he moved nearer he could not believe his good luck that his prayers had been answered and she had stayed. “So many questions in one go. Sorry you’ve had such a long wait but it was difficult getting away from Mum. As it is I’ve had a few strange looks and harsh comments leaving her at a time like this, when it’s my last few hours on leave for a while. But come on; don’t let’s waste the short time we have together.”
     With this he pulled her towards the old barn never giving a thought that she might have to be on her way home. Edith wanted to savour this moment, it could be a long time before they met again. Even at the touch of his large, calloused hand her heart did a flutter. She loved him so very much. Why had everything to be so complicated? She wanted them to be together all the time and they should be able to declare their love openly. What did it matter that they were so young? Nothing else was important but the fact they loved each other.
     “You’re quiet tonight,” Edward said softly in her ear.
     Edith jumped as his deep voice broke into her thoughts. “I’m thinking about us. When do you think we’ll be able to tell our families about walking out together?”
     “Who’s the impatient one now? This isn’t the time to think about that. Just enjoy this moment we have together.”
     “I will, I will, but I want it to go on forever. Not this pretence all the time and having to keep our feelings hidden.”
     “I know love, but just be patient. We’ll see what we can do on my next leave.”
     Edith’s face lit up at this thought. “Do you really mean that?”
     “Of course I do. Have you known me to promise you what I don’t mean?”
     “No of course not,” she replied not too sure about that. Then with a sob in her voice she added, “But I’m going to miss you so much.”
     “Now that’s all the more reason to make the most of our time together,” and with no more ado he pulled her down on the bales of prickly straw.
     Despite her discomfort of sharp spikes of straw sticking into her Edith could feel the passion building up within herself as he nibbled her ear and his rough hand roamed over her breast. It felt like a red hot fire inside her spreading down to between her legs. Some instinct made her know this feeling was wrong but try as she might she could not stop it. Her body moved of its own volition to press as close to him as she could. She sensed Edward’s own arousal as he kissed and caressed her more and more, and a hard bulge pressed against her stomach.
     They had done this before but Edward had always stopped short of going any further by saying, “Time enough for the rest when we’re married.” But each time he pulled away from her he did seem more reluctant.
     Dreading it, yet knowing it was what he should do, Edith expected him to move suddenly away from her. But he did not, his hand started to move up and down her leg until he was touching her where she knew it was wrong. It brought her abruptly to her senses as she jumped quickly out of his grasp. Showing both surprise and anger in her voice she asked, “What on earth are you doing, Edward? You know this isn’t right.”
     The only answer he gave was to grab roughly hold of her and pull her closer to him in a tight hold as he started to kiss her again. Now panic started to build up in Edith afraid of what was going to happen as she was aware of Edward’s strength. With one mighty push she moved away from him uttering a sigh of relief. Looking at him with puzzlement, she asked, “What has got into you to-day? This is not like you at all.”
     He looked shame faced as he said softly, “I just love you so much.” Edith almost detected a sob in his voice as he carried on. “I’m so afraid, Edith. What if I don’t come back? I just want you this once, and then whatever happens we’ve been a proper couple. I’ll always be able to carry this memory with me.”
     Taking him into her arms, Edith cradled his head as she ran her fingers through his short coarse hair. “I know, I know. But it wouldn’t be right. I might end up with something else to carry with me. Me Ma always said she’d kill me if I ever got into trouble whilst I was unwed, just like Bessie down the road from us. I just daren’t risk it, I daren’t. I do love you, truly. But you’ll come back to me safe and sound, I know you will. Then when we’re old enough we’ll be wed and it will all be proper like. It’ll be far better to really love each other without any worry of the consequences.”
     But there seemed no consoling him as he carried on begging. “Please Edith, just let me this once. I’ll take care so no harm comes to you.”
     Even before she had time to answer he started to try to force his way on top of her. Now Edith was beginning to get really frightened, this was not the Edward she loved, he seemed crazed. She screamed loudly in his ear, “No!”
     Suddenly he moved away from her as he recovered his sanity. “I’m sorry,” he said looking shamefaced. “It’s all this fighting and what you see at the front. I’m really anxious about going back this time.”
     The last thing Edith wanted to do was to part on bad terms. She was fully aware of the harm that could do with them going back to fight with troubles on their mind. It took away their concentration and that could have dire consequences. “I understand. I really do, but you must accept what I’m saying. Anyway I’ll have to go in a minute; me Ma will kill me as it is for being so late home. Just come here and give me one last kiss and cuddle before you go. It’ll be all right you’ll see, then next time you’re on leave we’ll laugh about all the panic you had.” Although she tried to say it with conviction to make him feel better she still felt worried herself.
     After one more kiss, with a great strength of will she tore herself away from him. “I’ve to go now Edward.”
     “I know you have. But always remember that I love you, whatever happens.”
     As she took stumbling steps to walk reluctantly away Edith called back over her shoulder, “I’ll be waiting here for you, never fear.”
     Just before she moved out of earshot she heard him shout, with concern in his voice, “I hope your Ma won’t be too cross.”
     This brought tears to her eyes thinking how kind he really was. She turned, waved and mouthed back, “I love you.”
     With a great weight of sadness she put all her effort into moving home as quickly as she could. Getting nearer she slowed down; it would not do any good for her mother to see that she had been running. She ran her hand over her hair to smooth it hoping it did not look too much of a mess, and then she glanced down and saw some straw on her skirt. She tried to brush it off and only hoped there was no more anywhere else.
     Just as she had anticipated, as soon as she cautiously opened the door her mother shouted irritably at her. “And where have you been young lady? What excuse have you got this time for being so late home?”
     Edith could have kicked herself at not having the foresight to get her excuse ready so stuttered the first thing that came into her head. “It was such a lovely evening, a few of us decided to sit down on our walk home from the mill. We got laughing and joking and forgot the time, sorry, Ma.”
     Her mother calmed down quickly, as she usually did, finally said grudgingly, “H’m, well just make sure it doesn’t happen again. Elsie’s been asking for you. Go and see her whilst I dish up your tea although what it’ll be like I don’t know, most probably burnt to a cinder.”
     Edith replied in a meek voice, hoping to keep on the good side of her mother, “Yes, I’ll just go and have a chat with her.”
     At times it frustrated Edith that she had to give so much attention to her sister, Elsie, yet she did genuinely feel sorry for her. Elsie contacted rheumatic fever when she was younger and it had left her with a weak heart. Many a day she had not even enough strength to get out of bed and sit in a chair. Edith knew it must be a lonely life for her all day just lying in bed with nobody but her mother to talk to. Now she felt contrite when she knew she had been out enjoying herself illicitly and Elsie had been left on her own again. Although she was only two years younger than Edith, at times her astuteness made her seem older. As soon as she saw Edith her face lit up as she said laughingly, “What have you been up to? Meeting some young man, I bet.”
     Edith felt foolish as her cheeks burned hot with a blush and she did not want Elsie to know the truth in case she let the cat out of the bag to their mother. She was only sorry she could not tell her as she knew it would be the highlight of Elsie’s day. Instead Edith tried to laugh it off by saying, “I wish. I’ve only been chatting to my friends from work.” Then quickly trying to change the subject she added, “If you look out of the window you’ll see that it’s a lovely evening, a shame to be indoors.”
     These words made her feel a blundering fool as she saw the sadness come across Elsie’s face as she so obviously wished she was out there enjoying it with the rest of them.
     Edith tried to be cheerful and bring a look of happiness back to her face as she said trying to sound confident, “You’ll soon be strong again Elsie, then you can come with us whenever you have a mind to.”
     With wisdom in her voice, far beyond her years, Elsie answered, “I don’t think so. I’m sure I’ll always be stuck here. This is my life now.” Then she became the young girl she really was as she eagerly asked, “Tell me what you were talking about and what it’s like out there.”
     This put Edith was in a dilemma how to answer, but she was saved from putting her foot in it further as their mother called, “Come on, Edith, your meal is on the table.”
     “I’d better go now before Ma gets furious with me. I’m in her bad books as it is. But I promise I will come back later and chat with you.”
     As she ate her meal Edith sank deep into her own thoughts of the events that had taken place that evening. Her mother’s voice broke into her dreams. “I thought you said you’d had a good evening. You wouldn’t think so by the look on your face. You look as if you’ve found a shilling and lost a pound.”
     Having a guilty conscious she tried to cover up her quietness by giving a nervous laugh, “I’m tired that’s all, Ma as it seemed hard today at work.”
     “Not so bad as to stop you gallivanting though, young lady?”
     “No, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
     Softening a bit in her manner her mother looked at her. “I know what it’s like when the spring fever gets into you.”
     These words brought Edith up sharply and she looked intently at her mother and could well understand how it had affected her too at times. Her mother was a pretty woman even now at her present age. It was not difficult to imagine that she had been beautiful as a young woman. Although at times she could be sharp with her, it was not really done with malice. When she listened to her friends she knew she was lucky in her mother; at heart she was a gentle and kind person. She treated them well and kept a very good house.
     “Your Pa’s late home tonight. Mind, he said he’d a big load to deliver today.”
     Her feelings of sorrow for herself were brought abruptly to an end as her thoughts moved on. They lacked for nothing. Her father was the general carrier for all the local mills and there was always plenty of work for him. Too much at times, that was probably why he had always wished she had been born a lad. They even had a small-holding at the back of the house and always had a pig or two and plenty of hens. Aye, they were never short of food for the table. She knew she was lucky really even if her father was strict and treat her more like a lad. If only she could share her joy with them about Edward, then life would be really perfect.

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