Synopsis

God's in a right muddle. He's sitting on His throne inducting a Romanian peasant into Heaven's Host when He just can't take anymore. He leaves the Marble Halls and goes out into Heaven's Garden. He's very preoccupied. Eventually He glances down through Heaven's Floor into the Universe to check on the three spaceships at the Earth Orbiting Station, but they aren't there! They're already in orbit about Mars! It's taken them 181 days to get there! He hasn't been paying any attention at all! He remembers Gheorgi, and looks back towards the Marble Halls only to see that He's still there! A perfect replica of Himself is sitting on His throne and conducting Heaven's business!Rushing off to put things right He then falls flat on His face with the first step He takes! God freezes Heaven with His finger so as to get rid of the replica without anyone noticing, but He's clearly not fit to be Heaven's King anymore. He takes off His golden crown and His golden girdle, and goes out of Heaven into the Universe. It's still all whizzing about so He has to freeze that as well! We're immediately suspended in the middle of whatever we're doing. You, me, and everyone else. I myself am changing the oil on my motorbike. Except I can still see what's going on.

God leaves the Universe, and goes out into the Nothing Of Nowhere to try to sort Himself out, but gets nowhere. Nothing makes sense anymore. Unable to recover His old supreme position, He falls into a reverie of how things used to be, how first He made the Universe in a dream. Part 1 is then the story of the major events in the Bible told from God's perspective instead of our own. It turns out that life wasn't His idea, and that He's been riddled with uncertainty since He first came across men and women. He could never be sure what part He should play. Working His way through Cain and Abel, Lucifer's ejection from Heaven, Noah's Flood, the Tower Of Babel, the life and death of His Son, the Renaissance, the development of science and technology right up to the present day, He's still in exactly the same muddle He's always been in, and decides to put an end to us once and for all. He goes back to His throne and sets everything in motion again, but defers His plan because our first Mars landing is in progress. Except that the Flight Commander gets completely carried away with himself. Instead of descending the ladder to make the little speech he's rehearsed, he calls the rest of the crew outside so that they can all go down together! But it takes ages for them to arrange themselves, his spontaneity has vanished by the time they're all ready to go, and then he gets nudged off the platform. The first man on Mars lands head-first! There's never been such global hilarity in the history of man! But God is disgusted.

He commands the angels to go down to Earth, give us seven days to repent, then sweep us away.




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