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CHAPTER ONE

‘The old country 'bus now chugged its way lazily along the winding rambling lanes. Vicky Douglass had decided to travel upstairs to allow her to drink in the full impact of the beautiful scenery. She noted they had now left the busy Preston town behind and the route was along the old road through to Blackburn.

Her young body pulsated with a torrent of nostalgia. It was now in the late nineteen sixties and she realised it was almost two years since she had made this trip. There was a severe sadness about her that seemed to age her more than her impending twenty years.

She had seemed to live a lifetime since leaving and her eyes stung with bitter tears as the memories she bad tried to suppress for so long, came rushing back and washed over her as a cruel, harsh tidal wave.

Looking from the window, she noticed the 'bus had already crossed the bridge of the river and now allowed the real country to begin to unfurl in all its glory. She shuddered in spite of the heat, her hair already damp as the sheer force of her nostalgia made her perspire more than ever.

Carefully, she brushed her hair from her face and wondered how Jim would feel when he saw her again. Would he think she was returning to work? Would he snub her? How could she face the next few hours? Her mind was in turmoil as she continued to focus her attention on the absolutely breathtaking scenery.

There were stretches of deep green meadowland as far as she could see, broken neatly by the many richer green hedgerows into individual fields. Pairs of pretty little houses, complete with dainty picket fences, were dotted at random. The well kept flower gardens now wafted the sweetest aromas through the open windows.

The gentle breeze blowing around her caught her hair, lifting it soothingly from her face. The sun danced on her long, curly, rich auburn mop and turned it into a deep gold, framing the palour of her flawless skin. Her hazel eyes changed colour with the light, or frequently toned with her attire. Yet sadness just hung from them, they were dulled from the many tears that had been shed of late.

When she smiled, which hadn't been too often recently, her small sensual mouth revealed perfect teeth. Desperate pain was etched in her young face and she had lost weight. Her figure was still good and her bust was high and firm, beneath her pretty white silk blouse.

Today held so much of her future, it had been difficult to decide what to wear and a blouse had been her most suitable choice. She had also selected a royal blue dirndl skirt, with huge patch pockets in the front. The wide band emphasised her tiny waist.

She carried a white handbag and a royal blue jacket. Her dainty feet slipped neatly into a pair of white, wedge heeled sandals, showing off her long and well shaped legs, yet in spite of knowing she was looking fairly good, her confidence was at an all time low.

With a spine chilling shiver, she shook herself back to reality. Her veiled eyes had now strayed far away over the horizon and she stifled a gasp as they settled onto that little set of villas. They were made up of three sets of semi detached houses and the sun now caught the beauty of the red brickwork and grey slated roofs as they gelled into the perfect blue of the sky.

Tears still stung as her heart lurched painfully. Somehow she had longed for and dreaded this sight. She then noticed with extreme fondness, the many farmers hard at work in the middle of the hay making season.

So many happy memories were attached to this season on the farms, she thought and a vivid recollection of Jim hit her like a slap in the face. She told herself over and over, she must pull herself together and face up to her duties.

At the moment she felt raw and vulnerable. She had just recently lost her beloved mother. Pain stabbed her heart as the piercing newness of the wound still stung beyond words. Yet it had been her mother's dying wish that she should contact Jim. It had been with cruel trepidation that she had plucked up courage and finally boarded this old 'bus.

****

Jerking herself back to matters in hand, she realised with a sense of dread that she had reached her stop. Stretching herself with eerie reluctance, she made her way woodenly towards the exit and found her whole body had begun to shake violently.

Finding the little winding road that led to the villas, her heart pounded without mercy. She had walked this mile long shingled road to and from the 'bus, at least twice a day throughout her childhood. It was the only way out from the villas, for school or indeed any function she wished to attend.

As though trying to draw strength from the depth of her heart, she found her fists clenching involuntarily as she ambled along. Her footsteps crunched into the shingle and broke the silence around her. She kicked the odd pebble as she trailed her nerve riddled body along, resisting the strong temptation to turn and run and board the next 'bus back to Preston.

How she wished she had never made this promise and gently rubbed her forearms as goose bumps had broken out, covering the whole of her body.

Her arms crossed in front of her as though holding her shaking body, almost as in a caress. The hedgerows were high on either side of her, the air rich with the aroma of the newly mown hay. Any moment now, she would find a gap which had always been used as a short cut to the villas.

The wooden style was still there and in spite of her misery, she couldn't help the smile that now played about her mouth. Jim had been intending to mend that ever since she could remember. With the weariness of an old woman, she climbed onto it and slid gratefully into the bench like seat.

Frantically she wiped her clammy hands as she wondered how Jim would feel when he saw her again. Hopefully he would think that she had come to tell him that she was ready to return to the farm and work full time. On the other hand he may be totally indifferent to her and she didn't think she could take that, not right at the moment, not after so much sadness.

A rush on pain almost suffocated her as she just allowed the memories, having been released, flood her heart. She had loved the farm and the animals, having practically lived there during her childhood.

Vicky's father, Glen Douglass and his beloved wife, Mary, had discussed her future meaningfully with her. After long and arduous talks with Jim and his family, it had been decided that she would be allowed to take up farming as a career. Glen's proviso had been that she should attend day college and pass her examinations in the field of agriculture and farming.

There would still be plenty of time for her to gain practical experience. She loved every aspect of farming and her work was very much respected. Apparently it had been an easy decision to agree for her to take time of f to attend college.

A shocked and oh, so familiar voice suddenly penetrated the fog that had become her mind, \"Vicky, my dear, Vicky, is it really you?\"

Gripping the sides of the style to stop herself from falling, her eyes rose upwards and Jim was standing before her. His voice was soft as he added, \"Hell, we were all getting worried. Why haven't you contacted us f or so long? Have you changed your mind?\"

Her heart thumped painfully against her ribs and suddenly she didn't know what to say. Her voice quivered, \"Yes, Jim, it is me. How are you?\"

At long last, she was looking into those huge, cornflower blue eyes, with lashes that curled almost up to his eyebrows. His hair was as she remembered, rich and brown, full of waves and sensually unruly. She knew she would never stop loving him. As always in the heat, his body was naked from the waist up and bronzed with the sun and outdoor working.

She silently thanked the lord that she was sitting down. She drank in his rugged complexion and savoured the firmest of chins and relished the sight of the most tantalising mouth. He was over six feet tall and almost dwarfed her as she sat on the style. Her shaking hand began to drag through the dampness of her hair. Her head started to throb as she gently massaged her own temple.

Vicky's tortured brain was screaming at her to move, yet she found herself totally transfixed. His body still rippled with well honed muscles and she could feel herself flushing badly as her cheeks burned under his gaze.

Jim was quite used to coming across many odd discoveries around the fields, but was unable to believe his eyes when they had seen the beautiful young lady sitting there. He too had longed for this moment, but hadn't contacted her, after all, she could have changed her mind, he had thought to himself as surges of disappointment would fill him.

Vicky noticed his adams apple shot up and down as he lifted her from the style and gathered her into his arms. She could feel the heavy thump of his heart as his breath was hot on her forehead, making her senses break into a dizzy spin.

In spite of her strong resolutions, she allowed him to hold her and felt her body sink into him. His strong arms made her feel exceedingly safe once more. Stifled with confusion, she felt his lips searching for hers, teasing as they brushed over her tormented mouth. He was re-awakening her desires as his lips gently brushed hers, parting them ready for his kiss. It was deep and filled with meaning as she remembered, and her body cried out for him.

His mouth moved over her eyes as she exhaled her desire. His grip tightened on her and once again his kiss tore into the heart of her. Nothing could have stopped the little yelp that escaped her. It was still beyond all doubt, there would never be anyone else for her.

Her mind now in complete turmoil, she knew she must not give in to her feelings again. With a desperation that hurt badly, she pulled away and witnessed the hurt in his deeply serious face. 8Dragging her eyes to meet his, she saw the passion that smouldered like a fire. In spite of the heat, her body shivered almost violently. They had smouldered like that in the past - only that time she had fallen for his undeniable charms.

Inhaling a ridiculously deep breath, she managed to stammer, \"I see you still haven't found time to mend this old style!\"

He shot her that disarmingly seductive smile and shook his head. It was something he had always intended to do, but without her to remind him, he had obviously forgotten. She gazed at him with awe, he was twelve years her senior and that had been the root of all their troubles once before. Just not knowing what to do with her trembling hands, she plunged them deeply into her pockets and swallowed stupidly.

Jim could see her dreadful confusion and gently pulled her shaking hand into his. Fixing her huge eyes and fearing scaring her of f, he simply said, \"You must come back to the farmhouse with me. There is so much to discuss. You are coming back to us, I hope? Golly, Vicky, my folks will be thrilled to see you. Incidentally, how are your parents?\"

Her stomach churned as she told herself, 'you have come here today for two reasons and now you must admit, that right at this moment, you are only prepared to discuss one of them'.

She had practically broken down at the mere mention of her parents - her mother. Somehow, she knew that it would be the only subject she would discuss today. Her heart was already playing tricks with her and she knew, she must not break down and weaken. Life had been filled with sadness for quite a while now.

Her composure was severely shaken and the need to at least stand outside her old home had now become unbearable. Her voice rose almost shrilly, \"You go on, Jim, I will be down later. I need to be alone for a while. Please, explain to your parents that I will be down shortly!\"

\"How can I be sure you won't disappear?\"

\"You have my word!\"

Gritting her teeth with determination, she managed to walk woodenly away from him and prayed her suddenly weakened legs didn't collapse from under her. Steeling herself to look back, she noticed that Jim was watching her. His face was perplexed as his hands came to rest on his hips, a stance she remembered so well. He shrugged his shoulders and bent his head and simply turned away.

Vicky thought to herself, it seemed crazy that the moment she had dreaded and yearned for, had passed with relative ease, from Jim's point of view anyway. She was still trying to decide how she was affected and tried desperately to shrug the longing for Jim's sensual body from her mind. His kiss had held the same depth that she remembered so vividly, but she was fearful of being tossed aside once more.

Her walking must have hastened somewhat, for she found herself turning the final bend in the road. She was then confronted by a huge red brick wall, about fifty yards ahead of 10her and her eyes filled with stinging tears. She could almost see her mother standing there, waving to acknowledge that her daughter was safe. Mary had always waited in that spot, ever since Vicky first remembered. Again she dug her fists into her pocket, resisting the urge to wave in eager acknowledgement. Her heart raced as she mentally wished she had not made that final promise.

Glen Douglass was in the police force, having been transferred to the villas along with his promotion to sergeant. Vicky had been about seven when they all moved here. All six houses were occupied by serving officers and their families. Glen had been selected to train new recruits and drill them on the huge square behind the grange. The small brass band could be heard for miles as could Glen's voice, giving orders to 'quick march'.

He was a tall slim man and filled with a rich sincerity. His brown eyes were soft, though penetrating under his mop of light brown hair. As a raw recruit himself, he had married her mother, Mary. She was short and compact, with a beautiful head of golden curls. They were both full of fun and ready to join in with almost anything that would better their small community.

It was patently obvious that they were a couple who were deeply in love with each other. Their love for their daughter took them above and beyond the call of duty, sometimes to the point of over protection. They were very strict indeed.

Vicky remembered fondly that the usual format in the family was to sit down and talk everything over.

Her stomach knotted as at long last she approached her old home. The houses were just as before, large and set into a slight hill, with winding steps up the front path. The rose bushes sprang up by the side of the steps and led to a porch that housed the front door.

Her heart raced as she stood by the gate. Her old home was now empty and seemed to be eagerly awaiting its new occupants. Again she felt a shiver run through her body. Her eyes misted as they settled onto the cinder path that led to the farmhouse at the bottom.

There were fields everywhere and the farm itself just nestled into tall thick trees. It resembled a little rambling village with the huge double winged house, the barn, several cattle sheds, pig sties and sheep pens. Her mouth dried again and she licked her lips, finding them still stinging from those wonderful kisses that Jim had so deftly delivered. Once more her body began to throb with a yearning desire for him.

Jim's parents, although quite a lot older than her own, had nevertheless become firm friends. John and Maud Heston had taken over their gorgeous farm from John's parents and it would ultimately belong to Jim.

They had four sons, two of which were married with their own farms, both of them having a son each. The third son, Len, was going to move into his own farm, if and when he married. This farm was traditionally handed to the youngest son.

They were very rich and exceedingly hard working farmers. They had both craved a daughter and had seemed only too eager to adopt Vicky into their lives and adored her willingness to help. She had been made to feel that it was her second home.

Life was always hectic on the farm and during the harvesting period, they would take on casual and mostly regular yearly workers. Each worker would be provided with a bedsitting room, some complete with bathroom and dressing area. The digs and food reached the standards of a five star hotel. They treated their workers well and were duly rewarded by a damned hard days work.

Dear little Lizzie was a maid come handywoman. She could turn her deft hands to just about anything and Vicky adored her. She had helped Maud to rear her four sons and had taken to Vicky with an almost fierce protectiveness. All of them had hoped for at least one grand-daughter and she had seemed to be a substitute for them all. From early childhood, Vicky had loved helping out on the farm that was always throbbing with hectic activity.

They all spoke with the deepest of Lancashire accents and Vicky smiled to herself as she recalled Lizzie's worried words, \"Quite a few lambs have lost their mothers, Lass. We must get cracking and feed them. The lads will be back with another lot shortly. We'd be good and lost without your help, let's hope there aren't too, eh, Lass!\"

Vicky realised she had become adept under her tender guidance. She could also milk the cows and clear out after them, not to mention carrying huge bundles of hay for them to feed and she never remembered feeling fear.

By the time she had reached sixteen, she realised that she wanted to take up farming as a career. John had asked Glen if he could employ her and after many discussions, it had finally been decided. John had been more than happy to allow her to attend college and gain her agricultural degrees.

Her close friend, Betty, had also taken up farming. She too had left school and worked for her farmer father. They lived in the opposite direction to the Heston's farm and that was perhaps the only serious disadvantage - everywhere was so far away from the villas.

Again her fists began to clench and she tried in vain to swallow the huge lump that had settled into her throat. Gritting her teeth, Vicky decided that it was now time to walk down the cinder path and back into her past. Another wry smile played around her lips as she noticed that the enormous gate still hung precariously from its hinges.

Her legs were shaking as her feet crunched into the cinders. The sun was very hot, yet her heart was filled with ice. Goose bumps made her rub her forearms again as a deep foreboding filled her. She now drew ever closer to that huge building and her eyes stung with tears, her loneliness suffocating her.

Nausea choked her and her step faltered a little. She was thinking of Jim and remembering the severe adoration she had felt for him. They would frequently work together and she began to feel very conscious of his delicious presence. He had awakened desires in her and at times she would be totally bewildered with the strange sensations, yet she noticed nothing different in Jim.

With footsteps still faltering, she found anger rising in her breast. She could not and would not keep living in the past. Right now, she had more than enough responsibilities and Glen needed her to be strong. He was just as devastated as she was, with the tragic loss of his beloved wife.

As if deliberately avoiding what lay ahead, she allowed her mind to stray. This time she remembered her first meeting with Lance. In fact, one day she thought, she would love to see him again. He had treated her with so much respect and used to live just a little further on from Betty. He had been a true friend to her and she would never forget him.

Heavy thick fog was swirling around her addled brain. As it began to clear, she saw Jim heading towards her. Her mouth dried as her heart lurched as he called out, \"Vicky, come on. Whatever is the matter, Love? Mum and Lizzie are so pleased that you have returned!\"

Jim looked at her closely and with that old longing. How he had missed her vital personality, yet he felt something was definitely untoward and couldn't halt his words, \"Have you been ill? You don 't look anything like the young woman that I remember!\"

The question and ensuing statement felt like a knife thrusting into her. Her body shook as he placed a steadying arm protectively around her shoulders. Her hands trembled as she thought to herself, he does remember

Lost in the moment, her mind played tricks with her. The next thing that happened was she found herself encompassed in dear little Lizzie's arms, followed swiftly by Maud. Both almost chimed in unison, \"Vicky, our little, Vicky, how are you? Its so good to have you back here. Come now, tell us all the news!\"

They both guided her into the parlour and continued to hug her with heart rending eagerness. It was patently clear they had missed her dreadfully. Maud sat beside her and asked, \"How are Glen and Mary? We should have contacted you, but everything has been pretty hectic. Anyway, we wondered if you may have changed your mind. Eh, Lass, your hands have been sorely missed. Just look at you, almost skin and bone, we'll soon fatten you up!\"

As she finally gasped for breath, the rich Lancashire accent had completely overwhelmed Vicky. It was like coming home, she thought to herself. Their kindness and deep concern made if practically impossible for her to continue. She threw back her shoulders and in a voice she barely recognised, choked, \"Its so good to see you all!\"

She had prepared so hard for this moment and absolutely nothing was going as planned. Searching their concerned faces, she finally managed to stammer, \"I'm not sure about anything just now. Mum passed away just over three weeks ago. I somehow needed to be here. This was the last time I remember her being well!\"

Seeing the stunned shock from them made her break down and Jim swiftly gathered her into his strong arms. Maud's voice had broken as she gasped, \"Put her on the settee, Jim. What a dreadful shock. Mary was just a kid, we loved her dearly. If only we had known. Good God, she was a real lady and one of the kindest people we know. Vicky is the living image of her. I can't believe this, what an absolute tragedy for us all!\"

Her voice cracked with helplessness and already seemed to be coming from another planet. Vicky felt activity around her as the dark abyss was announcing its intention to claim her. Someone was forcing some dreadfully sweat tea into her mouth. Her limbs didn't want to respond to her brain. Finally she had to let herself sink into the merciful oblivion that was so eager to receive her.

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