Sample

Inside the backpack...

Introduction:	vii	Karma:	98
Airports:	1	Laundry:	101
Alcohol:	4	Locks:	102
Astrology:	7	Massage:	104
Baggage:	9	Money:	105
Bathing:	10	Monsoon:	108
Beggars:	12	Mosquito Nets:	110
Bites:	15	No and Yes:	112
Blaggers:	17	Nose and Throat:	113
Books:	19	Optometry:	114
Buddying-up:	20	Portable Music:	115
Buses:	23	Postal Service:	116
Children:	30	Questions:	118
Chocolate:	32	Queuing:	120
Cigarettes:	33	Rickshaws:	121
Clothes:	34	Riots:	123
Classes:	38	Servants:	125
Cricket:	39	Sex:	126
Culture Shock:	41	Shoes and repairs:	129
Dalai Lama:	44	Sickness:	131
Directions:	50	Sleeping Bags:	136
Drugs:	51	Swiss Army Knife:	137
English:	54	Tailoring:	138
Eve Teasing:	56	Taxis:	141
Fairer and Lovelier?:	60	Tea and coffee:	142
Feminine Hygiene:	62	Time:	145
Festivals:	65	Toilets:	147
Food:	67	Torch Lights:	153
Gurus:	71	Tour Guides:	156
Haggling:	74	Traffic:	158
Hair Cuts:	75	Trains:	160
Hijras:	77	Travel Forums:	166
Holy Cows:	79	Travel Pillows:	167
Hospitality:	81	Umbrellas:	168
Hostels and hotels:	85	Vegetarians:	169
Hot Water Bottle:	88	Water:	170
Husbands:	89	Xenophobia:	173
In the Family Way:	92	Yoga:	175
Insects and Crawlies:	93	Zinda:	176
Internet:	96	Checklist:	178
Jewellery:	97	Suggested reading:	179

 

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A is for Airports…

(Arriving)
Standing in the arrivals queue at Trivandrum airport, I watched a bat flapping around lazily among the ceiling fans. Ahead, the immigration officials were stamping passports and when my time came the officer commented on the year in which I was born. And yet you are looking so young, he told me. What better welcome could a girl ask for?
     Yet airports are where the fear begins. Internet travel chat rooms are often plagued with questions such as, 'I am arriving in Mumbai airport at midnight. Is it possible to stay in the airport until morning? Is it safe?' Whereupon the very strange people who seem to live in these chat rooms, then blast the poor person for asking such an old question that has been asked so many times before. Tsk!
     In some travel chat rooms, for the nastier variety of cyber loiterer, it is as though first-time backpackers have no right to be scared. Yet once you have booked your tickets there are reasonable fears. Because the moment you step your foot out of the protected environs of the airport, India slaps you hard in the face.
     Taxi madam hotel madam taxi madam which hotel madam madam madam madam hotel madam good hotel madam rickshaw madam where are you going madam?! As you find yourself dazed and blinking in the bright Indian sunshine, exhausted from a long flight, hotel and taxi touts waiting outside for customers vie for your business because a fresh, foreign face emerging from the terminal is a bit like a new ATM opening up that always accidentally gives out a bit too much cash......

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Alcohol (Sharab)…

Women in India are not expected to drink alcohol; while booze is considered to be something a bit naughty anyway, it is traditionally the domain of men. In Bollywood films it was only the vamp or slut who imbibed, sometimes knocking back whole glasses of 'whisky' before breaking into a song and dance routine, passing out every now and then just to make sure that everybody could see how the demon drink and a lady's virtue is a dangerous cocktail. Or sometimes it was the devoted wife, driven to drink by an impossible husband. But with women, alcohol was never a thing that could be enjoyed in a normal life. It was a Sign of Moral Decay..... 
     .....So although habits are changing, a 'good' girl doesn't partake in alcohol. But as a westerner, you are unlikely to be seen as a 'good' girl anyway, so if you fancy a beer to celebrate a birthday, Australia Day, a shopping trip, or the anniversary of Marie-Curie discovering Radium, that will be perfectly acceptable.
     But be prepared to pay out; if you are on a strict budget alcohol is relatively expensive in India, and not something that is always available. Even if a restaurant offers it on its menu the waiter may have to pop down the road to fetch and dust off a bottle from elsewhere.
     In the big cities you will find there is more choice, leaving you free to join India's young and upwardly mobile in nightclubs and bars where you can enjoy a drink and a spot of public humiliation on a karaoke machine. In the coastal resorts that cater increasingly for package tourism, you can now buy cocktails, sit back to chilled-out music and watch the ocean while drinking something that looks like the bottom of a pond with a cherry in it..... 

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Clothes (Kapre)....

Men have it easy. I am convinced that the entire male traveller's wardrobe consists of nothing but a couple of T-shirts (one to be used as a towel once too dirty to wear), one pair of knee-length shorts, one pair of jeans and two pairs of pants. The shorts are worn for weeks on end even if they are so stiff with grime that they could go sightseeing on their own, while the pants are worn for a few days at a time before being turned inside out and worn for another few days.
      But for women, the backpack wardrobe is not so simple. Apart from the fact that most of us would hate to have to wear the same pants for days on end, there are matters of respectability. Men can show arms, legs and chest without gawps, marriage proposals and offers of ‘jiggy jiggy'. For women, however, while covering up from neck to toe is unnecessary, there are certain social conventions of which to be aware, especially if visiting a holy place. And to make life easier, careful selection of clothes will enable you to use minimal space in your backpack......

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L is for Laundry...

.....Laundry only really becomes a problem when you are travelling during the monsoon or are staying in a rainy area like Himachal Pradesh. Then you will find that dry laundry becomes a far-off dream while you pull on damp knickers and T-shirts. I did once indulge in the extra weight and space-taker of a small travel iron, so during my darkest moments, I could dry a pair of pants in at least three days.....

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Mosquito nets...

......Some, but definitely not all, budget hotels will provide nets, but carrying your own is useful for two reasons; the second and perhaps least important is to keep mosquitoes off you while you sleep. The first and most important reason is to give you much-needed privacy...... 
 

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Toilets (Shauchalay)...

As soon as you arrive in India you may as well ditch any bathroom prudery in the arrivals hall of the airport. Toilets in India - if you can find them - are an adventure on their own, and you can't be too prissy or fussy.....
      .......But India makes a girl grow up. My own first rented accommodation, a bungalow in Goa, had the luxury of an outside toilet which had steps leading up to a long wooden seat with two holes. I was completely fascinated yet horrified by what this meant. Was it so that you could pick a hole depending upon your mood? Or did it mean that you could share the experience and invite a friend? I never found out.
      Yet whichever hole you chose to use, whatever you passed went to the ground below where it would biodegrade or be scoffed by the bands of local pigs that roamed the village eating waste, human and otherwise; back then, this was a very good reason not to eat pork. But the pièce de résistance had to be the door on this elevated wooden throne. Or at least it would have been the pièce de résistance if it had existed. Sadly for me, the door had fallen apart probably years before, leaving the toilet on permanent display to the road so that you could wave to any passers-by if you should wish to do so. Luckily Goa was still undiscovered by package tour operators so the road was quite empty.....
      ......On arriving in any town or village it is a good idea to make a mental note of any visible public toilets. Apart from normal use in good health, you need to be prepared for the ominous fact that you may at some point have to run or speed-waddle the 100-metre dash if you should contract a bout of Delhi Belly. ‘Loose motions', as it is sometimes charmingly known, can come on with surprising speed and very little warning, so it is always helpful to know where your nearest toilet is. Speed-waddling while keeping everything clenched may be a fantastic toning exercise for the muscles but it is incredibly uncomfortable and stressful; especially when everybody you pass greets you as you rush by or tries to engage you in conversation and lure you into their shop. If ever there is a moment when you don't want to buy a pashmina, that is it......

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Trains (relgari)...

.....Some of the larger train stations may be confusing at first, and in the bigger cities this is where you are likely to be targeted by touts or conmen, who will be drawn to you when you are looking lost. Unfortunately it is often difficult to tell the difference between conmen and genuinely concerned passers-by. And a conman, seeing that you are probably new to the country may choose that moment to select you as their next meal ticket. Strong words of advice on this are....

 

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